Parents, are we provoking our children?
I shared my first Father’s Day Message to the crowd at The City yesterday. We had an encouraging turn out and about 8 fathers in the service. Enjoyed telling stories about my kids and the mistakes I have made as a rookie-dad.
Here’s an excerpt of the message. Ask ourselves then: are we provoking our children?
Ephesians 6:1 – 4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (NASB)
Colossians 3:20 –21
Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (NKJV)
In both passages Paul said “Children, obey your parents.”
This clearly teaches that mothers as well as fathers are to be obeyed. Mothers and fathers have a shared authority over the children. Children are to do what parents say.
But there is a peculiar role that the Scripture gives to husbands and fathers. The father is the spiritual leader in the family. We are called to reflect divine values to our children. We are the symbol and representative of God’s authority to our children.
“Do not provoke your children”
However Paul cautions the fathers against the misuse of their God-given authority. Paul calls this misuse “provoking” them. In both letters he commanded the fathers” “Do not provoke your children.”
Fathers might treat their children in such a way that “they become discouraged”. The word implies losing heart, being listless, spiritless, disinterested, moody and with a kind of blank resignation toward life.
Paul used a stronger word in Ephesians 6:4 – ANGER!
EMO Kids
These words aptly described a good number of teenagers. We are seeing a rise of the EMO kids:
- Stereotype for a kid (13-19) who has a lower tolerance for sad emotions
- Feels inadequate of their own personal worth (feels like they aren’t good enough).
- Many EMOS feel so depressed that they resort to cutting to themselves.
- It is known that EMOS have a kind of rule that 2/5 of their face must be covered by hair, although it is actually a subconscious feeling of wanting to cover up their sadness (eyes).
- “What is the point of my life?” and “I hate everything.”
So let’s ask, then, what do fathers do that provoke children to long-term discouragement and hopelessness?
There are at least 8 ways we may consciously or unconsciously provoke our children:
i. When we do not love their mothers.
ii. When we say one thing and do another.
iii. When we are always blaming and never praising.
iv. When we show favoritism in the home (Isaac and Rebekah; Jacob and Joseph).
v. When we make promises and not keeping them.
vi. When we heap unrealistic expectations on them.
vii. When we compare them unreasonably to others.
viii. When we are consistent and unfair in discipline.
There are many instructors but very few true fathers. Let’s strive to become fathers that are like the Heavenly Father!